I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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