I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
