Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
me + whiskey = a bad person
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
