its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
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