Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
