Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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