Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
