Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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