They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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