Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
