she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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