Are we in a gay sports bar?
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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