i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
