I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
