im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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