Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
