if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
