Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
