just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
