I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
