He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I have so many feelings about this burrito
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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