okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
