we're making bets on your personal life
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
