all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
the condom got lost in my hair
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
they're like a gay fantastic four
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
