so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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