Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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