I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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