I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
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