I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
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