I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Randomize
