Too much gin, very little bucket
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
