she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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