I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Randomize
