the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
