Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
