does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Randomize
