Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
