Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
