my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
