I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
