Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
