my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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