dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
