My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
