i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
