God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize