I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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