i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
