Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
