Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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