one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
