i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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