Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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