If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
two words...techno handjob
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
