Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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