Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
