I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
