so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
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