She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Randomize
