sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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