He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
