dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Randomize