I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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