watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
