So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
