He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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