...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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